*

9/23/09
During the Rutgers game I tried to post a few comments on a Twitter page, but it didn't work out.  I had intended to note things that I could see happening on the sidelines; things that family and friends watching on TV wouldn't be able to see.  But I got too involved in the game and didn't follow through.  Even if I had been able to devote some attention to a Twitter blog, it might have been difficult to decipher.  I'm lost without spell check and can't type very well on a Blackberry keyboard.  However this exercise was not without merit, as I stumbled across a Twitter page called, "Shitmydadsays".  This is a blog by a 29 year old named Justin who lives with his 73 year olds Father and posts things his Dad says.  A few examples:
"You know, sometimes it's nice having you around. But now ain't one of those times. Now gimmie the remote we're not watching this bullshit."
11:18 AM Aug 28th from web
"Why would i want to check a voicemail on my cell phone? People want to talk to me, call again. If i want to talk to you, I'll answer."
9:33 AM Aug 7th from web
Sounds like my kind of FOGDad!!

Fatherly Advice:
Mike was going to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down for a little chat.
He said, "Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here - try these on.' She did and said, 'These are too big, I can't wear them.' I replied, 'Exactly, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' Ever since that night we never had any problems."
"Hmmm," said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.
On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, "Here - try these on."
She tried them on and said, "These are too large. They don't fit me!"
Mike said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that."
Then Karen took off her pants and handed them to Mike. She said, "Here - you try on mine."
He did and said, "I can't get into your pants."
Karen said, "Exactly. And if you don't change your attitude, you never will."

Can't we all just get along?
Two radical Arab terrorists boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the other sat  next to him in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat.  After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, 'I need to get up and get a Coke.'
'Don't get up,' said the Marine, 'I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it for you'.
As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marine's shoe and spat in it.. When the Marine returned with the Coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks good, I'd really like one, too.'
Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone, the other Arab picked up the Marine's other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors...
'Why does it have to be this way? How long must this go on? This fighting between our nations? This  hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in Cokes?'
      THE FEW. THE PROUD. THE MARINES

I saw the coolest email signature the other day: "There are 10 kinds of people in the world; people who understand binary and those who don't."

I came across what may be the dumbest TV program of all time. This past weekend I watched MANSWERS on Spike TV. Some of the topics covered in this weekend's episode include:
* Improving your urinal aim
* What's healthier for you, red wine or beer? The researchers gave guys 4 beers a night or 4 glasses of wine a night. Does anyone wonder how healthy it is to get smashed every night?
* What's the only animal that engages in prostitution?
* How much bigger have boobs gotten in the last 15 years?
Apparently this is a popular show with the younger guys. You know, we old guys did a lot of what we thought was stupid stuff in our younger days, but these clowns make our escapades seem tame by comparison.

A redneck Mom is in the hospital bed with her newborn; it's her third child.  The redneck Dad comes in and abruptly stops and stares at the child.  He says to his wife, "That is one, ugly baby!" and then sternly added, "Have you been cheatin on me?"
She shakes her head no, lowers her eyes and mumbles, "not this time."

The old priest lay dying in the hospital.  For years He had faithfully served the people of the nation's capital.  He motioned for his nurse to come near.
 "Yes, Father?" said the nurse.
  "I would really like to see Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi before I die", whispered the priest.
  "I'll see what I can do, Father" replied the nurse.
  The nurse sent the request to them and waited for a response.
Soon the word arrived.  Harry and Nancy would be delighted to visit the priest. As they went to the hospital, Harry commented to Nancy "I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images." Nancy couldn't help but agree.
When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Nancy ¹s hand in his right hand and Harry¹s hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on th e old priest's face.
Finally Nancy spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?"
 The old priest slowly replied "I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." The old priest continued... "He died between two lying thieves. I would like to do the same."